Many of my clients come to therapy because they encounter a barrier in their lives that they can't get past. Others encounter a loss or crisis that sends their whole life into a turmoil. Everybody experiences loss and deprivation at some point in life. Whether it's the loss of a job that has been a source of pride, the unexpected ending of a relationship, the birth of a child, loss of a loved one, or diagnosis of a chronic illness, you experience a sense of deprivation and overwhelm. You may feel deprived of time, money, opportunities, or companionship. Life can no longer be as it was before. This can create a sense of panic and helplessness. Previous coping skills no longer work and it's as if the ground has become shaky underneath your feet.
How Deprivation Affects Our Choices
Deprivation and Willpower
Feeling deprived and "less than" erodes our willpower because it's uncomfortable to feel like a victim. We want to distract ourselves and not deal with the problems or overcompensate by indulging in food, alcohol, shopping, or sex. When we feel in a state of plenty, on the other hand we don't feel that sense of urgency and can take time to find out information, try out things, and make more informed choices, rather than rushing into big changes or feeling frozen and unable to make a move.
What You Can Do To Help Yourself:
Below are some strategies you can use to ground yourself when you experience a scarcity mindset:
1. Practice Gratitude - Remind yourself of the good things in your life, such as your family, friends, pets, nature, food, or exercise. Take time to enjoy these things so you can go back to the problems with a broader, more rested perspective.
2. Breathe - Try breathing slowly, with an even rhythm. Try to breathe into your belly, rather than your chest. Let the length of the inhale match the exhale and pause between in and out-breaths. Breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms down your "fight, flight, or freeze" response.
3. Seek Support - Don't try to handle everything on your own. Identify friends who can provide emotional support, practical advice, or with whom you can barter services to save time or money. Just talking to a loved one and feeling understood can help you calm down physiologically.
4. Learn Stress Tolerance - Difficult times are part of life. Remember that life is a journey, not a destination and that things could change for the better soon. Put in your best effort, but then work on letting go and learning to feel good about what you have done, even if results are slow. Remember that many outcomes are out of your control.
5. Don't Dwell on Self-Blame - People who have been traumatized or had narcissistic parents often take too much responsibility when things go wrong. Take a step back and use your logical mind, not your emotions to see your own role. Realize that your thoughts may not be the truth, but rather automatically conditioned responses.
If you found this post useful, check out my other post The Psychology of Scarcity on The Mindful Self-Express Blog on Psychology Today online.
About The Author:
Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist, and expert on Mindfulness, Managing Anxiety, and Depression, Relationships, Succeeding at Work, and Health Psychology. Dr Greenberg provides psychotherapy for individuals and couples.
For more about her therapy practice, read here: